


Meeting the Tyrant

by murmeltearding



Series: Negan the Cat [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Dirty Jokes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Exhibitionism, Explicit Language, F/M, Fear Play, Fucking, Humiliation, Killing, Language, Massage, Mud, Negan Being Negan (Walking Dead), Rough Sex, Shameless Smut, Shooting, Shooting Guns, Smut, Stabbing, Walkers (Walking Dead), Zombies, cursing, dirty dirty smut, muddy zombies, negan having a soft side
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2020-06-28 16:26:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19816063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murmeltearding/pseuds/murmeltearding
Summary: Ren is out on the road and runs into a bunch of Saviors.Negan decides they treated her badly and invites her to Dinner.... and fucking... the rough kind.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [New friends and Old Frenemies](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17619710) by [murmeltearding](https://archiveofourown.org/users/murmeltearding/pseuds/murmeltearding). 



> This is the prequel to my other story, I linked it in the related works. There might be more chapters coming, but who knows?

“Stop right there!” someone shouted.

I stopped my horse Poppyseed and turned towards the voice, hand automatically reaching for my crossbow.

“You might wanna think about that again!” A somewhat scruffy looking guy with unkempt longish blond hair and matching beard stepped out of the bushes to my right.

I let my hand sink to the side and waited for him to approach. He had a nasty looking rifle pointed at me.

A second guy, shorter, older, with short cropped hair that thinned on top, followed him, his rifle was on his back, but he looked no less menacing. He walked towards me and my horse and reached for my saddlebags.

“Hey, stop that!” I protested. “What do you want?”

“Shut up, bitch!” the guy with the rifle shouted.

“You can’t just go around and take people’s stuff!” I turned and slapped the intruding fingers away from my bag.

“You better learn some manners, bitch!” He gripped the edge of my parka and gave a sharp pull. Despite my best efforts, he managed to unseat me enough to pull me down.

Oww. I caught myself on hands and knees and quickly got to my feet. Gravel painfully dug into my skin. “Fuck you!” I stepped between the guy and my horse. His antics made her restless and she anxiously stepped from one foot to the other.

“Keep her out of the way,” the older guy said and roughly pushed me towards Blondie.

Blondie grabbed my arm and pulled me away a short distance.

“You can’t just take other people’s stuff!” I protested, but I might as well have talked to a brick wall.

“The boss is gonna love this!” Shorty pulled a bottle of Whiskey out of my bags, the good kind. Bulleit Bourbon Whiskey, aged in the barrel for 7 years before being bottled, with rich rye notes. That was what it said on the bottle. I had taken it because it was what Regina, leader of Waterfront had asked for. Now if only I’d be able to get it to her without those fuckers stealing it from me. I didn’t have time for their bullshit!

I had been too focused on the Whiskey and on my job and on not being robbed by those jerks to notice the approaching cars. Mistake. Big mistake. Always keep an eye on your surroundings.

The cars, three black pickup trucks, stopped and a guy stepped out of the drivers’ seat of the first one. My brain suffered a small blackout for a second or two. He was tall and ridiculously handsome, with a smile that could kill. He moved towards us with a catlike grace, stalking with a relaxed gait that broadcast power and self-assurance in all directions. The other men that got out of the cars blurred into background noise, compared to him. His presence was so strong, he simply drowned out everyone else.

His black pants and leather jacket looked like they’d been tailored to his measurements. There was no way you could get pants that covered those long, powerful legs off the rack. The jacket fit him like a glove, underlining his broad, lanky frame.

Compared to him, I felt like a blob. My clothes were dirty and ripped in places and didn’t fit half as well as his. My hair was dusty from being on the road all day, as was my face. Where he was lean, I was broad, with ample curves despite not finding enough to eat each day.

He stepped in between me and the two guys, stepped so close to me, I had to crane my neck to look up at his face. I was tall for a woman, but the top of my head barely reached the tip of his nose. I moved backwards until my shoulders were pressed against Poppy.

“We caught her trespassing, boss!” Blondie said.

“Trespassing?” I retorted, “Don’t see a sign that says this is your land…”

The tall guy let out a short snort. “I didn’t think we’d need signs, Doll. Word of mouth should be enough for everyone to fucking know this land belongs to the Saviors.”

“The Saviors?” I repeated. “Who are you saving?”

“Everyone who’s willing to be saved.” He eyed me from head to toe, slowly licking his lips. Despite my three layers of clothes, I felt the urge to cover myself from his hungry leer.

“Good thing I don’t need saving. Can I go now? I promise I won’t step foot on your land again.” I muttered. There was something about him that made me want to run away.

“Right now you seem like you very much do need saving, Doll.” He reached out for my arm and pulled my bloody hand up to inspect it.

I hadn’t even noticed I was bleeding.

He took a tissue from one of his pockets and wiped the blood away. “Did my men do that to you?”

I nodded slowly, trying and failing to pull my hand out of his grip.

“I have to apologize then. This ain’t no way to treat a fucking lady.”

“She tried to attack us, boss!” Shorty said. The fucker still held the bottle of Whiskey he’d stolen from my bag in his hand.

“As far as I can remember, you were the one who had a rifle pointed at me, asshole!” I muttered.

The tall guy chuckled. He still held on to my hand, putting gentle pressure on my bloody palm. Slowly, in the way of a man who’s absolutely sure of every single one of his actions, he reached for the gun in his belt, turned towards Shorty and shot him straight in the head. Just like that. He didn’t even bat an eye.

Shorty dropped like a log, eyes wide open, staring at the sky. If not for the big red hole between his eyes, he looked completely unperturbed. Dead, before he’d even noticed he was dying.

I tried stepping away from the tall guy and his grip tightened, painfully boring into my palm. “Let me treat you to dinner for your troubles,” he said.

I nervously swallowed. He didn’t seem like the kind of man who kindly took to being declined. And I hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning.

“We can have a nice glass of…” he let go of my hand, walked towards his dead guard and plucked the bottle out of his hand, wiping the bloody bits that had splattered on the glass on the pants of the dead guy, “…Whiskey.”

Not waiting for my consent, he started ushering me towards his car.

“What about my horse?” I muttered. Poppyseed stood in the middle of the road, looking kind of lost.

“One of you fuckers know how to ride?” tall and handsome asked.

One of his men stepped forwards.

“Take her horse to the Compound. Take care of it! She…” he hesitated and turned back to me, “What’s your name, Doll?”

“Ren,” I said.

“Ren,” he repeated, tasting my name on his tongue. Turning back to his men, he continued his speech: “Ren’s our guest. We treat our guests well.”

His men got into the cars one by one, the one that knew how to ride, climbed on Poppy’s back. He seemed competent enough.

“Be good,” I said to Poppy, giving her a soft pat on the behind as they trotted off. Blondie had retreated back into the brush where he’d come from. I was all alone with… “What’s your name then?”

“Hot damn, you’re right! I haven’t even introduced myself! Excuse my fucking manners. Name’s Negan,” he said, “Remember it. I want you to scream it, when I fuck you over a table later.”

I blinked at him. Was he serious?

“Now don’t look at me like that, Doll.” he slowly said, licking his lips. “Get in the car. It’s gonna fucking rain soon.”

+++

The compound was an ugly grey building. It had probably been a factory of some kind in better times. A fence surrounded it, interrupted by guard towers every so often. There were a shitton of guards everywhere. And civilians as well. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen so many people.

He drove past all them and stopped at the bottom of a set of stairs on the outside of the building. Getting out of the car, leaving the key in the ignition, he acted like there was a fucking valet service waiting for him. And obviously there was. A young guy, barely even 20, scuttled towards us, wordlessly got in the car and drove off.

We walked up the stairs and in through a safety door.

I was too overwhelmed with everything to say much; too many people, too much luxury while people were dying of hunger only a day’s ride away from here. I was solitary by nature, had always been. This was a lot to take in.

“Like what you see, Doll?” he said, proudly leading me through his kingdom. Everyone in the corridors bent their heads when they saw him approach. Whether in respect or out of fear, wasn’t entirely clear.

“It’s... big,” I muttered.

“The building ain’t the only thing that’s big.”

I took a breath. Yea, I should have seen that one coming.

“Bring us some fucking Dinner in my office!” Negan said to a scared looking elderly woman. “And make up a room for our guest. She’ll stay the night.”

“Oh am I?” I muttered.

“You won’t be riding that horse of yours for a while once I’m done with you, believe me, Doll.”

Shit, was he really serious about that? He was damn, fucking hot, but he was also crazy scary. The thought of being alone with him was… terrifying, but at the same time exciting… and a little arousing. With the way people acted around him, I most definitely didn’t want him as an enemy. It was probably healthier to go with the flow and see where it would take me. And if we ended up fucking… I could definitely do a lot worse.

He was walking half behind me, his hand hovering just behind my body. I slowed down just the slightest bit so his hand went from hovering to actually touching me. It was big and warm and sent tingles through my body, even with a couple layers of clothes between us.

He didn’t hesitate for a single second before letting his fingers glide downwards and grabbing my ass. Confident bastard. The openly displayed possessiveness made my nipples tighten. Damn… I was in over my head.

It seemed ages until we finally stopped in front of a door that looked exactly like all the other doors we’d passed, except for: this one had a guard positioned in front of it.

“Welcome to my office, Doll. Make yourself at home,” Negan said, shrugging out of his heavy leather jacket. He had taken the bottle of Whiskey they’d stolen from me inside and unscrewed it. Turning his back to me, he took a couple glasses from the small serving cart that stood right in front of the window. It gave me time to admire… the view. The white t-shirt he wore fit almost as well as the rest of his clothes, serving perfectly to show off his broad shoulders, his muscular back, his tight ass. I lost myself in the sight for a moment.

“Like what you see?” He turned back towards me, smirking.

“Yea, the… the view is very nice…” I stuttered, motioning towards the window.

“You could enjoy the view even better if you got out of that jacket of yours.” He stalked towards me and placed both glasses on the table.

I swallowed nervously but unzipped my parka with shaking hands. He stepped behind me to help me out of it. Not that I’d needed the help, no one in the history of jackets had ever needed help getting out of a parka, but I appreciated the gesture.

He dropped my jacket on top of his own and handed me one of the drinks.

“To new friends,” he said, lifting his glass.

“To new friends,” I repeated. I wasn’t a particular fan of Whiskey, but something told me Negan wouldn’t take kindly to me refusing his drink.

“Sit with me, Doll,” he offered, moving to the big leather chair at the head of the table. I followed him and took the straight wooden chair next to his. The seating arrangements openly communicated who the king of the castle was. “Tell me about yourself.” His full attention was on me. His gaze made me feel like a rabbit in front of a wolf.

“There’s nothing much to tell about me…” I slowly said. I had always hated to talk about myself. I completely blacked out each time anyone asked me to. It was twice as bad with him. My mouth went dry and I nervously took another sip of Whiskey.

He followed the movement of my hand and gave me another half minute to start talking. I still didn’t know what to say, so I remained quiet.

Slowly losing his patience, he got up from his chair and stepped behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders. “I don’t particularly enjoy hurting women, Doll. But I will do it, if they refuse to behave,” he said, bending down so his mouth was close to my ear. His hot breath against my skin sent shivers through my body.

I expected him to dig his fingers into my shoulders after his thinly veiled threat. Instead, he started massaging my shoulders with gentle hands. “With that in mind, I also don’t enjoy repeating myself, Doll. But I will do it this once, because we’re still just getting to know each other. So, tell me about yourself,” he spoke slowly, as if talking to a stupid person.

Alright, I was proper scared now. I had to force myself to start talking, and soon, “I, umm… “

“What brings you to my territory?” he prompted. His thumbs expertly dug into my shoulder blades, not in an entirely unpleasant way, drawing circles over my tense muscles.

“I was on my way to Waterfront… they…” his fingers moved upwards on the back of my neck, “their leader likes booze… a bit too much for her own good maybe…”

“Too bad she won’t get any booze then…” Negan interrupted. His fingers wormed under the flannel shirt I wore. “Get out of this thing for me, will you, Doll?”

I didn’t dare refuse him. Shrugging out of my shirt left me in a dark blue, skin tight tanktop, arms bare, cleavage visible. The top was a bit too small for my liking, but I hadn’t planned on getting abducted by a guy who’d then make me undress in front of him when I’d put it on in the morning. Negan seemed to enjoy the view from up above in any case. His hands remained on my shoulders but I could feel his gaze on my skin.

“And how do you come to own said booze?” he continued his interrogation. Because that’s clearly what this was.

“I’m a scavenger. It’s my business. I scavenge and I sell the stuff I find…” His hands were both on my left shoulder now and I leaned my head to the side to give him better access.

“And is this a good business model?”

“I survive,” I said, swallowing nervously.

“Survive…” he repeated, his hands now moving to my right side. “Is surviving enough?”

“I don’t know… what else am I supposed to do?”

“You could thrive, Doll. Live here, with me.”

“I don’t like people... I’d rather be out on the road, on my own…” He let his hands glide up into my hair and back down again, pushing me forward the tiniest bit. His thumb hit a particularly tight spot to the right of my spine and a soft moan flew from my lips before I could catch myself.

“You like that?” he asked. His face was suddenly very close to my ear again, both of his hands on my shoulders.

“It’s nice… You’re” I swallowed again, “You’re good at this.” I bent my head, so I could look at him out of the corner of my eye.

“I damn well know I am,” he said. He hadn’t moved away.

His hands moved to the straps of my top and bra and pushed them down over my shoulders. My breathing sped up a notch and a tingle from my nether regions shot through my whole body. Damn, I’d never been so scared and so horny at the same time before.

He pulled me against the backrest of the chair and his hands moved forward. I whimpered when he reached the top of my breasts.

He didn’t stop. With deft fingers, he moved downwards, into my bra.

I gasped. My nipples were so hard it was almost painful how he dragged his greedy hands over them.

“So you liked my massage, huh?”

I nodded eagerly, not trusting my voice at that very moment.

He pulled his hands back out and stepped around my chair. There was a very visible bulge in his pants and I wanted to reach out to it as he sat down again. To free him of his confines, to suck him until he fell apart or even better, get out of my pants and ride him until we both did. Instead I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. What did he expect me to do?

“Get up, Doll,” he said, releasing me from my uncertainty. Following orders was easy. I could manage that.

I got to my feet and took a tentative step towards him.

“Get out of those pants for me,” he ordered.

Without really thinking about it, I toed off my boots and unbuckled my pants.

Before I could pull them down, he had gotten up again and pushed me backwards, against the table. His fingers shoved into my pants, entering me without the slightest hesitation. I gasped at the sudden intrusion. Damn!

He started moving and I whimpered. DAMN!

He pushed me backwards over the table, pulling down my shirt to reveal my breasts, exposing me like a dirty whore.

It felt demeaning, yet incredibly hot. His fingers moved inside of me incessantly. His thumb found my clit in the same moment as he bent over me and found my left nipple with his mouth.

He pushed me back up farther until my feet left the ground and my legs wrapped themselves around him. Fuck, this was hot.

He pulled his fingers out of me and fumbled with his own pants. “About time…” I muttered.

He froze. “Excuse you?” he said, straightening up over me and stepping out of the embrace of my legs.

“I…” I swallowed nervously. What had I just done? Shit.

“You?” he prompted.

“I just…”

“Turn around,” he ordered. All softness was gone from his voice.

Shit.

Swallowing, I did as he told me.

With rough fingers, he pulled my pants down over my ass, leaving them to hang between my knees. He pushed me forward over the table and grabbed my hips so hard, I’d have bruises tomorrow. And then he entered me. And fuck he was big.

It hurt. And he knew it. And he enjoyed it. He fucked me against the table, my breasts vulgarly grazing over the cold wood with each of his thrusts. Fuck, this was so… demeaning. Yet, incredibly hot. I moaned with each thrust. He filled me up to the brim, his balls slapping against me. My own wetness dripped down my legs. Fuck.

There was a knock on the door and someone entered without being invited. Negan stopped his thrusts but remained inside me. The terrified woman he’d ordered to get us some food earlier came inside with a tray and froze as she saw us.

I tried getting upright to cover myself.

“Don’t you fucking dare move, Doll,” he hissed. A hand between my shoulder blades held me down. There was nothing gentle left in his touch.

“Put the fucking food there and leave!” he barked at the woman.

The plates on the tray clattered, so hard did the woman shake. She carefully placed the tray on the table and was about to walk out, when he stopped her. “What am I, some kind of animal? Set the fucking table before you fucking leave!” he ordered.

In the same heartbeat he bent over me from behind and reached to fondle my breasts where they hung just over the table. “You like that, Doll?” he muttered. His tongue darted over the back of my ear.

A jolt of electricity ran through my body. I whimpered. That was about all I could manage.

One of his hands moved downwards and his fingers found my entrance again.

I whimpered some more.

The woman hastily placed plates and cutlery and napkins – fucking napkins… during the apocalypse – on the table. “Pour us a glass of wine each,” Negan ordered, still bent over me, balls deep in my pussy, thumb on my clit.

He started moving inside of me again, thrusting against me, making the table shake with his moves. Fucking hell… “You like that, Doll?”

I didn’t say anything. I was mortified beyond words. The woman seemed so too. She had filled the glasses and looked towards the door helplessly.

“What are you looking at? Leave us the fuck alone!” Negan shouted at her. “Can’t you see we’re busy?”

She scuttled out, door banging shut behind her.

I whimpered under him. Helpless.

“Are you gonna cum for me now?” he muttered.

I didn’t know what to say.

“Did you fucking hear me?” His hand painfully dug into my hair, lifting my head so I’d look at him. “I want you to cum for me. And I want you to scream my fucking name while you’re at it.”

I nodded, whole body shaking.

He started thrusting into me, picking up his rhythm again. The edge of the table painfully dug into my hipbones with each push from behind, but damn if I wasn’t about to cum. His one hand was still on my breast, painfully squeezing it, the nipple hard as a rock, the other hand wandered up my body, finding my lips, fingerfucking my mouth with my juices still clinging to him. He had me completely at his mercy. Dancing on the edge of too much, but barely not. “Negan…” I whimpered.

“Fucking yes!” He let go of my mouth and breast and drew himself up, grabbing my hips again.

“Yes, god, Negan!” I muttered louder than before.

He pounded into me and with each of his moves. I felt myself tumble towards the edge. “Fuck yes! Harder!”

He laughed behind me and picked up his thrusts. Damn, it hurt so good!

“Negan! Oh god fucking yes!” I screamed.

I felt my insides cramp around his dick and he seemed to feel it too. Hell yes! And just as I was about to tumble over the edge, he pulled out and came all over my ass.

I whimpered with dissatisfaction. Had he really just done that? Fuck… so close…

He walked a few steps and reached for one of the damn napkins to clean himself off.

I whimpered once more and pulled myself up, enough so I could get my breasts back into my bra. Damn… My pussy still quenched around nothing. Painfully raw and painfully close to release but not. Negan sat down at the other end of the table, where the food was and watched me, smirking. Was he aware of how close he’d brought me to the edge and left me hanging? Of fucking course he was! I wanted to slap the smirk off his face.

No… slapping him would lead down a road I wasn’t willing to take. I had a much better idea.

I reached down on myself and found my spot, playing with the sensitive nub under his watchful eye, gazes locked. I had been close before and I knew my body. It took me all of ten seconds until finally, final-fucking-ly, I tumbled over the edge with a moan, free hand cramping around the edge of the table as my legs gave out under me. “Fuck…” I whispered and let myself glide off the table.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren gets to know the other, scarier side of Negan... and has to face a new truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This starts off right after the first chapter. It's not as smutty, but there's some pretty nice scenes again... hope you'll enjoy

Body still quivering with my release, breathing heavy, I leaned against the leg of the table. I heard Negan get up and walk towards me.

“You good, Doll?” he said, stepping in my line of vision. He raised an eyebrow at me, a smirk on his face.

I silently nodded. My pants were still hanging between my knees, bare ass sticking to the cheap linoleum floor. His seed trickling down my backside added to the stickiness.

“Get cleaned up and have some fucking food then.”  
He held a napkin towards me and I thankfully took it. Wiping my backside while he was watching should probably feel weird but after all we’d just done I refused to feel bad about it.

I got up, still all shaky and a little wobbly on my feet, and pulled up my pants under his watchful gaze. He hungrily licked his lips. “I have to admit, I never fucked a woman that… greedy for her own orgasm before.”

Yea, probably because they were too scared. I lifted an eyebrow at him. “Leaving things unfinished is damn rude!”

“Seeing you finish yourself off is damn hot!” he countered.

I tossed the soiled napkin in the wastepaper basked in the corner and moved past him, towards the food. Two plates with a thick steak and a heap of mashed potatoes each were sitting on the neatly set corner of the big conference table. Napkins, brightly polished cutlery, red wine in voluminous, long stemmed glasses, everything was there. Before even sitting down, I downed the wine in one long swig, staring at him over the rim.

He didn’t move, still standing at the other end of the table, watching me.

“Are you gonna watch me eat or…?” I muttered, sitting down.

He slowly came towards me, reaching for the bottle to refill my glass.

I winced when my still tender nether regions met resistance from underneath. Damn, that would hurt for a while. He hadn’t promised too much when he’d told me the building wasn’t the only thing that was big. However, if there were a chance for an encore right this moment, I wouldn’t hesitate. Not for a second. The thought of his dick alone made me clench my thighs under the table.

“Told you you wouldn’t go riding that horse of yours for a while yet, Doll,” he muttered, smirking his trademark smirk as he sat down in front of the second plate.

“So is this how you trap women into staying with you? Fucking them so hard they can’t walk out?” I muttered, finally cutting into my steak. It smelled delicious. But then, I hadn’t had anything to eat since yesterday morning. Even dog food would smell delicious at this point.

“No fucking trapping needed, Doll. The things I offer make each of my wives stay of their own free will.” He put a piece of steak in his mouth, chewing slowly, watching me as I processed what he’d just said.

“Wives? As in… more than one?” I blinked at him. The wine must be stronger than I’d thought it was.

“And each of them prettier than the next one, I’m telling you… you’d fit right in!”

“So umm…” I still needed a second. He had a harem of wives and still chose to fuck me on top of all them? “Are you proposing or what?”

“I’m inviting you to stop surviving and start fucking thriving, Doll.”

“Yea, that’s not gonna happen. Don’t get me wrong, the fucking was… out of this world, but I’m not really into the whole Harem thing.”

“I got some nice, cozy cells downstairs. I bet a few days in one of those, no clothes, no light, no food, would make you rethink my offer.” He took a sip of his wine as if threating people to put them in a cell was a normal thing to do. For him, it probably was.

“I don’t really care for badly hidden threats either.”

He chuckled. “Wasn’t supposed to be hidden.”

I nodded slowly. If he chose to put me into one of his cells, there was nothing I could do about it. He knew that too. So why were we still sitting here, exchanging pleasantries?

He kept on chewing; watching me like a predator might watch its prey, seeming absolutely relaxed. I wasn’t fooled into false safety though. He would change his mind in a heartbeat if I said anything wrong.

Saying nothing seemed like the best way to go from here. I took another sip of wine to chase down the meat. I had to play my cards right. I liked this. Eating nice food, having mindblowing, crazy sex, the whole exhibitionism thing had added an extra touch of something I hadn’t even been aware I craved. I could work my way around his short temper. I could shape this thing to my liking somehow so I could eat the cake and have it too.

Slowly, I reached out for him with my free hand. “You got something there,” I muttered, wiping the corner of his mouth with my finger.

He seemed taken aback and for a second I feared he’d turn on me again. His expression changed when I put my finger into my mouth and licked it, locking eyes with him.

“You sure know how to drive an old man mad, Doll…” he said, leaning back in his chair, crossing his arms behind his head.

“Mad in a good way, I hope?” I grinned at him.

“Come sit on my lap and I will show you just how fucking mad.” He pushed his chair backwards, making space for me.

Smirking, I got up. He didn’t like repeating himself so I wouldn’t make him. I sat on his lap, facing him, my legs left and right of his body. It took him all of half a second to let his hands glide under my shirt and unhook my bra with eager fingers.

“Did you schedule anyone to come in again or are we gonna stay by our own this time around?” I whispered.

“Wouldn’t you just like to know, Doll…” He let his hands move forward under my clothes. His touch made me shiver.

I wrapped my arms around his head and pulled him close. Our lips met. He kissed like he fucked. Eager, greedy, in control… the stubble of his beard scratched over my skin in the most delicious way. I could taste the wine in his mouth.

Without actively thinking about it, I moved closer against him, rubbing up and down his body like a cat in heat. His back was firm under my fingers, his skin hot.

I let my hands glide to his front and down his chest. Damn, he felt amazing. All hard muscle. The hair on his chest was visible through his white shirt, but seeing it wasn’t enough. I needed to feel it, taste his skin. When he pulled my shirt and bra over my head, I did the same to him, gasping at the sight. He smelled purely male. Musky, a slight tang of sweat, mostly faded aftershave. I wanted to lick him all over.

He didn’t give me any time to put my plan into action. With strong arms he sat me up onto the table, barely giving me enough time to get the remains of our dinner out under me, admiring me with hands and eyes alike. Pulling his chair closer, he met my skin with his mouth, kissing his way up between my breasts, finding my lips, beard scratchy, hands greedy. His thumbs gliding over my nipples made me gasp into his mouth.

He was driving me mad with his touches… and he knew it.

His hands wandered downwards, his mouth following, licking and kissing and biting along my jaw, neck, clavicles until he found my breasts. He unbuckled my pants and worked them down over my hips, taking off my panties in the same motion, tossing both to the side. The table was cold under my bare ass but I couldn’t care less.

Negan licked his lips as he slowly spread my legs, staring down at my exposed flesh, glistening with my juices already.

A whimper escaped my throat, before he even touched me and I involuntarily inched forward, towards him, towards his face and hands and mouth. A shiver of anticipation went through my body, when he moved forwards, biting my inner thigh, scratching over it.

I let my hand glide through his hair as he made his way upwards.

“You like that, Doll?” he muttered, his breath playing over my skin.

“Mhm…” I made. I didn’t trust my voice.

“You’ll owe me one after this,” he said, moving my legs up on his shoulder.

Owing him was probably bad, but it didn’t matter. Right at this moment I’d sell him my soul… or my firstborn or whatever else he wanted, if he only moved on and did what he was promising.

His hand wandered up my body, pushing me backwards onto the table. I carelessly shoved the plates and glasses to the side. A plate toppled over the edge, a glass fell over, both broke with a clatter.

“Bad bad girl… you owe me double for this…” Negan muttered.

I had a second to wonder what he might mean by that, but quickly forgot all about it when he licked the sensitive line along my groin.

We remained undisturbed this time around, which was probably for the best. I was completely exposed for all the world to see.

I lost count of all the orgasms he’d given me, using tongue and teeth and fingers and it took everything I had not to close my eyes and simply doze off right there on the table, nude, surrounded by our half eaten food.

Negan had other plans though. He tossed my clothes at me and told me to get dressed. His words were friendly, his voice was not.

“This fucker here will show you to your room. Have a shower, get some sleep, we will talk more tomorrow,” Negan said, looking me up and down again once I was dressed. I could about guess what was going through his mind.

My room was small, only a single bed, a nightstand and a chair were in it. The narrow window close to the ceiling made it feel more like a cell than a bedroom, but it looked clean and was dry and I was almost sure there were no critters living in the mattress, which was more than I could say about the last bed I’d slept in.

The shower was heaven. The water was warm and the pressure was good. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt this clean. My eyesight was bad enough to generously overlook the disgusting details in the stall and I didn’t try to find out what I had stepped on or what the black dot in the corner was. I was pretty sure it was moving though.

Coming back into my room, I put the chair under the doorknob and went to bed, exhausted but satisfied in every possible way; warm, dry, sated, comfortable, and most of all, pretty much safe from walkers. I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

+++

A knock on my door, followed by the doorknob shaking and jolting woke me up in the morning.

“Open up, Doll, or I’ll blow your fucking house down,” Negan shouted.

I made it to my feet and pulled the chair away in record time. “Sorry…” I said, as I pulled open the door.

He pushed me to the side and walked past me, a nasty looking barbed wire wrapped baseball bat on his shoulder. A guard followed him inside and dropped what looked like a stack of folded clothes on my bed before he walked outside again, wordlessly.

“This is for the booze. Take what fits you. Tony will wait outside and show you to the kitchens. Have some food. Have them pack you some food. Go, do your scavenging thing and be back here in two weeks. You understand me?”

I slowly nodded. My brain wasn’t yet awake all the way but his slow, concise sentences permeated the haze. What was bugging him this morning? He’d been an ass last night too, but today, he was outright scary. The room seemed too small to contain his mood. It was hard to breathe.

“Don’t even think about not coming back, Doll. I fucking own you. If you run, I will find you. And if I catch you, I will make sure you won’t be able to run away ever again. Understood?”

I nodded again.

“Cat got your tongue or what? Answer me!”

Swallowing, I nodded a third time. “Yes… Sir… Negan…” I stuttered.

“Alright then, baby girl. Give me a kiss goodbye.” Again, the words were almost friendly. The tone was not.

Under different circumstances, I’d have protested his nicknaming me baby girl, but the way his fingers gripped the handle of his bat made me think better of it. Contradicting him now would probably be a bad idea.

I took a few tentative steps towards him, got up on tiptoe and was about to kiss him on the cheek, when he grabbed me around the waist, yanked me close, so my body was firmly pressed against him, and kissed me on the mouth. Deep and greedy, pushing me backwards until I was squeezed between him and the wall, all while holding on to his bat. I could feel the barbed wire against my leg.

“I’d fucking love to bend you over that bed and fuck you into oblivion, Doll, but my idiot men fucked up in one of our outposts and once again need big bad Negan to save their fucking asses,” he said, as he stepped away from me, suggestively grabbing his crotch, smirking. “Two weeks, Doll, remember!” He pointed his bat at me as he walked towards the door, backwards.

I swallowed. “Yes Negan.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren goes back to Negan once again.   
> He has a mission for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I last updated this story, but I have one or two more chapters coming... enjoy!

Negan’s shouts greeted me way before I cleared the innermost line of defense. They made the hair on my neck stand on end.

Walking in on him now seemed like a very stupid idea and I considered turning Poppyseed around and coming back another time. If I was late for my delivery though, he might get the idea to point his anger towards me and I wanted that even less.

The guards behind the fence sat in their gatehouse and looked a lot like they wanted to melt into the walls. They barely spared me a glance before opening the gate and hastily closing it again behind me.

A couple Walkers had been following me for some time. I hadn’t bothered shooting them, knowing full well I could easily outrun them on Poppy’s back. The guards DID bother shooting them and the rat-tat-tat of their rifles made Poppy jump nervously.

I calmed her down and steered her towards the stables. Not that that was necessary. We had been here a couple of times now and she knew the grounds by heart. The prospect of food and a roof over her head steered her more precisely than I ever could.

Benji, the stable boy greeted Poppy like an old friend and answered my unasked question. “One of his wives ran off with Dean, you know, that tall guard you found so pretty. He’s been shouting all morning.” Benji was a quiet boy, which meant people tended to forget he was there when they were talking and he got to hear all the gossip, which he brought me up to date on while I took off Poppy’s saddle and dried her back.

Negan’s raving had gotten a little quieter by the time I knew all about who had cheated on who with whom, but a new chorus of shouts, probably caused by someone looking at him the wrong way, made both Benji and I jump.

Poppy’s coat hadn’t been this shiny for ages and her closed eyes and relaxed lower lip told me she wouldn’t mind being groomed some more.

I had already waited for half an hour though and slowly but surely I had to face the fact that Negan most likely wouldn’t calm down anytime soon.

“Wish me luck,” I finally said to Benji. Accepting my fate, I grabbed my pack from the ground and it clattered with the heavy bottles inside. I hoped the sight of some good Whiskey and the biggest haul of meds I’d found in a while would protect me from Negan’s anger.

+++

Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door to Negan’s office.

“Will you open the fucking door, you stupid fuck?” Negan’s tirade stopped long enough to hear footsteps coming towards the door.

The air seemed to sizzle with anger as Simon stuck his head out.

“Thank god,” he mouthed and opened the door all the way, hastily taking my bags from me.

Negan stood in front of the big window in his office. The light from behind him gave him a radiant shine that made him look even taller than usual and almost godlike somehow.

His white shirt fit him like a second skin and his pants, held up by two fashionably crossed belts, sat low on his slim hips.

His trusty bat Lucille leaned against his desk, comfortably within reach if he decided he needed her. He took one good look at me and shot me a glance that made me reasonably sure he wouldn’t be using her against me today.

Simon placed my bags on the table, making the bottles inside clink against one another. Maybe Negan wouldn’t use Lucille against me, but in that moment I wasn’t sure about Simon.

“Careful, you dumb fuck or do you want to spill the goods? Leave us the fuck alone!” Negan barked at him.

I didn’t dare turn around to watch Simon leave. You didn’t turn your back on the tiger that was about to jump you.

“Hi,” I pressed out, consciously having to unclench my teeth before I could speak, “I bring gifts from lands far away.”

Negan took a step towards me, and another, walking around his desk. “Is that so, Doll?” His voice felt like velvet on my skin. How had his mood changed from killing to fucking so fast?

I swallowed and moved towards my bags, unzipping them and pulling out one bottle after another. The paracetamol was expired, but everyone had stopped worrying about best-before-dates years ago. The antibiotics were still sealed, as were the various creams and other pills that could be used for who knew what. I’d leave figuring that out to the people at the med ward.

Negan seemed pleased. He had stepped close to me while I’d unpacked, watching me over my shoulder, pressing his body against mine. His hands found their way around my waist and the moment my first bag was empty went straight to the front of my jeans, making quick work of my belt and button.

My breath hitched in my throat as his fingers dove inside my pants and panties and found my entrance. “Always so wet and hot…” he muttered.

I gasped as he pushed one finger inside of me all the way. Before I’d met him, I hadn’t been aware fear was a turn on for me… and that I obviously liked rough sex and being manhandled a bit. Each time I saw him though, he made me a bit surer of my newly discovered kinks.

I felt his erection through his pants and pressed my butt against him some more, grinding left and right, creating friction.

Knowing full well Negan liked it when I took initiative, I hooked my fingers into my pants to pull them down. I wanted to go slow and put on a little show for him, but he seemed to have other ideas. I only got my pants to around my knees before I felt his dick against my backside, hot and hard and throbbing.

A pleasant shiver made its way through my body.

He pushed me forward over the table and I spread my legs as far as my pants allowed it, which wasn’t very far at all.

Negan didn’t mind. Neither did I. He lined himself up with me and pushed inside in one smooth move, his dick stretching my insides with the most pleasant amount of pain. I had no idea why I needed zero foreplay with him, but it worked.

“Fuck, yes!” I whispered against the shiny tabletop under my face as his hand found the back of my head and pushed me down harder, forcing me to turn my head or have my nose broken.

“You like that, huh?”

I didn’t need to see his face to know he was grinning. “Yes…” I whimpered.

He pounded into me harder, painfully pushing my hipbones against the edge of the table. “Yes what?”

“Yes Negan…”

“Louder!” He thrust into me, making it hard to think clearly and I took a second to process his order.

“Negan!” I repeated, louder this time, “yes Negan!” His movements made it hard to talk and his hand on my back made it hard to breathe. But damn, I loved every minute of it.

I felt his fingers against my scalp, getting tangled up with my hair. He pulled my head up while keeping his other hand on my back, holding me down, making me crane my neck.

My braid fell forward, bringing the length of cord I used to fasten it within my line of sight. The thought of Negan using it to tie my wrists crossed my mind and I felt myself quiver around him.

“Don’t you dare come,” he whispered, his mouth close to my ear. “You will come when I allow it and not one second earlier!”

Okay, this was new. He had never forbidden me to cum before. I took a second to make up my mind whether I liked this or not and another one to reply. “Yes, Negan.” It didn’t matter if I liked this. There were no safe words with him. He did what he wanted with me and that was it.

“I will make you regret it if you disobey me,” he said, picking up speed.

I knew he would. The thought made it even harder to hold back. I did my best to think chaste thoughts, but he reached around me and fumbled inside my top to find my left boob. He gave it a tight squeeze that made me cry out.

“What was that?” He did it once more, reminding me I was completely at his mercy, owning me, marking me.

“Fuck! Please stop,” I begged. I liked it rough but this was definitely on the bad side of pain.

“What will you do to make me stop?” Negan asked, slowing down his thrusts, giving me time to breathe.

“Anything you want…”

He gave one more squeeze, less tight this time and pulled out of me.

The sudden emptiness was almost too much to bear. Whimpering, I looked at him over my shoulder, barely holding on to the table with shaking legs.

“Down on your knees!” he ordered.

I slowly did as he told me, sliding off the table and reaching for my pants to pull them back up.

“Leave them down!”

I swallowed deeply and slowly went to my knees, looking up at him. His dick pulsated heavily, glistening with both his and my juices.

“Suck me off,” he ordered.

I didn’t dare hesitate and quickly moved forward, reaching around him with one arm to steady myself. I wanted to dig my fingernails in his buttocks, but didn’t dare to.

What I dared to do was opening my mouth and taking him in, tasting the mixture of both our juices and greedily swallowing it all down, my eyes focused upwards to judge whether he liked what I did or not.

“Ah yes, Doll… you’re being such a good girl, sucking me off like the little bitch you are,” he muttered, gripping the table with one hand to keep his balance.

Encouraged, I pushed myself a little harder, taking him in deeper and suppressing my gag reflex.

“Touch yourself,” he ordered, his voice hoarse with pleasure.

His order made me shiver but I reached down on myself as he’d demanded, carefully letting my fingers glide over my abused flesh. Focusing on pleasuring him and myself at the same time was hard and I slowed down.

Negan didn’t care for slowing down. He put his hand to the back of my head and took over, fucking my mouth. He went so deep, it made my eyes water… and my pussy as well. I wanted to ask his permission to orgasm, but he didn’t give me a chance. I barely found the time to breathe in between his thrusts, let alone talk.

I half hoped someone would walk in on us now but before I could fully form the thought, Negan gave one more deep thrust and with a final jerk, came. He pumped into my mouth once, twice more, spilling his full load before he pulled out and tiredly dropped down on one of the chairs around the conference table, leaning back, satisfied.

I lowered my ass to my heels, thighs shaking, looking up at him expectantly. I was so close to orgasm, all I probably needed to do was clench my legs hard.

“What are you looking at me like that for?” he said, lazily opening his eyes.

“May I cum?” I asked, voice shaky.

“Do I look like I care?” Negan said, pulling up his pants and inspecting the label of the closest bottle I’d brought.

I quenched my thighs and gave myself one more stroke. Negan was watching me out of the corner of his eye, doing his best to seem disinterested, but he couldn’t fool me.

My throat felt raw from his abuse but that didn’t stop me from crying out as I came around my fingers. The small jerk of his body was all the recognition I needed.

With a small, proud chuckle I relaxed against the closest chair to catch my breath, feeling satisfied in a way that could only be described as completely and utterly.

“I will have to go out with a couple of men to find one of my stupid wives tomorrow morning. I want you to come with us, be our guide,” Negan suddenly said, his attention again focused on my haul.

Wow. My legs hadn’t even stopped shaking and here he was, already giving me orders again. “Umm… okay?” I slowly said, taking a moment to come back down from my post-orgasm high. I clumsily pulled up my pants and climbed up on the chair next to his.

“I can offer you protection on your journey and you get to stay with good old Negan here for a couple days more,” he said as if I had a choice.

I cleared my throat. “Yea, okay, I’ll come.” My voice was hoarse.

“Good. That’s what I wanted to hear. Now get cleaned the fuck up and meet me for dinner at seven.” He got up from his chair and opened the door to shout for one of his men to take me to my room.

I took a long, hot shower, pondering over his proposal. He’d never before asked me to go on a mission with him. My gut instincts told me to be very wary. I’d have to be extra careful.

As each time, a pile of freshly laundered clothes was waiting for me in my room by the time I was done showering; freshly laundered clothes, even smelling of detergent. It was, arguably, the best thing about coming here twice a month. Feeling clean, feeling fresh. It even topped getting fucked by a crazy sexy and scary Negan.

+++

Against all odds, Negan had asked me to stay the night in his room after dinner. We’d had some more sex, much less violent and much more caring, bordering on loving even. With anyone but Negan I would have gone so far as calling what we’d done making love, but not with him. Negan didn’t make love. Negan fucked.

In addition to fucking though, it seemed like sometimes even he needed to be held by someone, because that was what he had asked me to do afterwards. Hold him, comfort him, be the big spoon. He hadn’t actually asked me to spoon him, but when he’d turned on his side to sleep, I had simply done it and he hadn’t pushed me away, which was practically the same.

By morning of course, all of last night’s tenderness was forgotten. We got up at sunrise and I got to watch him do his morning routine, shaving, putting ridiculous amounts of pomade in his hair, getting dressed in his usual sexy badass outfit: well-fitting black jeans, tight white t-shirt, black leather jacket.

I took about half as much time getting ready as he did, but then, I didn’t do much except wash my face, braid my hair and put on the clothes I had gotten yesterday, a pair of soft jeans, a black t-shirt and a blue and teal flannel. The olive green parka and the worn leather boots were all mine.

The briefing with Negan and his men was short and to the point. One of his wives, Cassandra, had been abducted by one of his men, Dean, and he intended to get both of them back and make them pay. No one said anything, but the expressions on everyone’s faces told me abduction was probably not what had happened.

Before he concluded the briefing, Negan pointed to me and told his men to treat me as his equal and that he’d chop off the fingers of anyone who dared to touch me. I looked around and realized there was only one other woman among the group and she was so tall and muscular, she might as well be a guy with breasts and a ponytail.

The ridiculous amount of rifles all around me almost made me feel insecure about my crossbow… almost. Having a rifle meant nothing if the wielder didn’t know how to use it.   
I knew how to shoot and my crossbow had one big advantage over the rifles: firing it was completely silent.

The ground outside was wet from a slight drizzle last night. The sky was clearing up as we got ready though and it looked to be a nice day to be out and about.

Negan very obviously didn’t care about the weather. He carried his trusty Lucille over his shoulder, his fingers tense on the wooden grip.

He motioned for me to come join him at the front. “I want you to stay by my side, Doll and to tell me how any fucking woman could think about leaving me for some other fucker,” he said, ushering me towards the first of the two pickup trucks waiting for us.

There was something in his voice that almost sounded like real, genuine hurt.

Was it possible? Could Negan really be hurt? If last night was any indication, he was.

Did he actually love his wives? Then why did he have like seven of them?

I silently shook my head. Understanding why Negan did one thing or another was about the same thing as trying to understand particle physics. It wouldn’t happen.

Negan stopping and expectantly gazing at me made over the hood of the car made me tense up. “Umm… wasn’t that a rhetorical question?”

“Do I look like the kind of fucker who asks rhetorical questions?”

His men gave us a wide berth as they loaded the cars and climbed in.

“I mean… I never even met her… how am I supposed to know….”

“Because all of you fucking women share the same fucking brain!” His voice resonated between the walls of the compound and a couple of crows were scared up and flew away, loudly croaking their protest.

I looked him in the eyes and questioningly shook my head, half raising my shoulders. What did he want from me?

Negan was on me in a second. “Don’t you fucking dare look at me like that!” His fingers painfully dug into my chin as he forced me to look up.

I tried moving out of his grasp, but he lifted his arm and I had to stand on tiptoe so he wouldn’t lift me off my feet entirely. “Sorry… I’m sorry…” I pressed out, my hands clambering on to his arm. He let go of me so quickly I had to catch myself on the car.

“That’s what I was thinking, Doll. Now get in the fucking car and shut the fuck up!”

+++

We rode in silence. The anger that radiated from Negan again was palpable. It made it hard to breathe. I sat as far away from him as the seat allowed, close to the door in case I needed to make a quick escape.

Two of his men sat in the back, neither of them saying a word. They knew their leader. They knew when to keep quiet.

I obviously didn’t. After about half an hour, I couldn’t take the silence anymore. “Where are we even going?”

Negan didn’t look at me and answered as if he was far far away, inside his head. “They were running north. So that’s where we’re going. North.”

One of the men in the back, a tall, handsome fella with shoulders like an ox picked up when Negan didn’t elaborate. “I saw them in the forest by the burned down farm on my round yesterday.”

I frowned and turned around to look at the guy. There were a lot of burned down farms in the area. This whole trip felt more and more like it would become an aimless odyssey. We hadn’t packed enough food for so many men going on a trip without a clear goal. The couple could be hiding anywhere and they would hear us from a mile away. Fuck I hated this. I should never have agreed to coming.

The car slowed down and I turned back to face forward. A group of Walkers was blocking the street. Negan killed the engine and told his men to get out and deal with them. I grabbed my crossbow and was about to follow them, but Negan stopped me.

“Stay in the car. We don’t want you to get hurt, Doll,” he said, jumping out himself and slamming the door shut.

Did Negan realize I was outside, dealing with Walkers every day and had managed to survive so far? Being a sexist ass was one thing, but actually treating me like I was weak was something else entirely.

The urge to get out of the car despite him telling me no was strong but the fear of making him angry by disobeying a direct order was stronger.

My father being paranoid after years of drug abuse had become a prepper the moment he had become sober. He had taught me to shoot from as early as I could hold a crossbow and had forced me to practice with a professional teacher every week.

Used to relying on my shooting, I had been sure I wouldn’t survive for long after I’d lost my glasses in a close up struggle with a Walker a couple months into the outbreak. Quite the opposite had happened though. The ridiculous amount of training had made my muscles memorize how and where to aim and I didn’t need to see any details to hit a target. To top it off, my poor eyesight protected me from seeing everything that was going on with the world and that was probably the only reason I hadn’t gone mad yet.

Fighting Walkers in close quarters, I would see details though. Disgusting details.

My not enjoying fighting them didn’t mean I couldn’t do it though and I hated Negan for assuming I’d get hurt if I got out to fight with them.

The men came back towards the car, seeming happy with themselves.

They obviously enjoyed this.

Good for them.

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of having impressed me. Because they hadn’t.

Everything they could do I could do and probably better and more effective.

We didn’t drive for much longer before Mister Big and Handsome on the backseat told Negan to stop.

The forest surrounding us seemed like a perfect place to hide. We had no chance of finding them. Not here.

As soon as I opened the door, because this time I was allowed to get out with the rest of them, I could hear the sound of water flowing somewhere close. Birds twittered in the trees, the wind blew cool, aromatic forest air at us.

It was almost idyllic… if one was willing to ignore the heap of dead bodies next to the road… and the smell they emanated.

The men were well trained. They remained mostly silent. Even Negan lowered his voice when he spoke to me next. “Stay close to me, Doll. I’ll protect you.”

Was he fucking serious? I looked up at him and didn’t bother hiding the disbelief in my features. “You do realize I’m out here most of the time, all by myself, right? I don’t need your protection,” I hissed.

A broad grin spread on Negan’s handsome face, showing off his perfect, white teeth. “Now there she fucking IS. Fierce, strong, fearless Ren! I was wondering how much longer it would take her to come out.”

I exhaled deeply. Was he fucking serious? Had he been testing me? “Well, fuck you too,” I muttered. Now that he was smiling and no longer all that angry and scary, I knew I could talk to him like I was used to, no holding back.

“I’d rather fuck you,” he whispered, pulling me close and kissing me hard.

“Yea, I know you do…” I said, freeing myself from his embrace. I wanted to be mad at him and it was about time someone fed him his own medicine; show him how nice it was to be all in the mood for sex and your counterpart went all business. “There’s an abandoned settlement in…” I looked around to better orient myself, “… that direction.” I pointed eastwards. “I guess they’ll have made camp there… I’ve done so myself a couple times,” I said.

Negan had told me why he wanted me to come along and I would do the job I was hired to do without him distracting me.

I walked off in the direction I had pointed, leading the group deeper into the forest. Negan was right behind me and I put an extra sway in my hips, just to rile him up a bit more.

Our group consisted of seven men including Negan and two women, including me. The wet leaves on the ground thankfully swallowed most of the noise made by so many people, if one didn’t count the occasional broken stick and the clinking of gear against belts.

The few Walkers we encountered were silently taken care of by whoever spotted them first. If I’d been alone, I’d just have sped up and outwalked them, but the men obviously enjoyed killing and I heard at least two of them counting how many they had taken out. They were in the low four figures. If the numbers were to be believed, I was impressed.

We’d been walking downwards for a while and the ground got even steeper the farther into the forest we got. Despite using trees left and right as handholds, I was the first to lose my footing on the slick ground.

Cursing, I slid down the slope and landed in a muddy patch at the bottom. Sheer luck had let me grab a root from a nearby tree at the last minute and I landed on my feet as opposed to on my ass.

Eyes wide, heart racing I took a moment to catch my breath and assess my body for damage. My boots were wet, as were my pants up to the knees, but I was unhurt except for my pride.

The others slowed down and focused on their footing as they continued moving downwards.

I struggled to get to the edge of the patch, breathing heavily through the mouth. The stink of rotten eggs hung over the whole area and made me want to gag as a fresh wave of the smell came up with every laborious step I took. Negan, holding on to a tree at the very edge of the mud reached a long arm towards me helping me as I took the last few steps.

For a second I really thought that had been the worst that was going to happen today. Boy had I been wrong.

I had one of my legs free and on solid ground again when a surprisingly well preserved hand, covered in black mud, reached out of the depths and grabbed my second leg.

“Fuck,” I cursed, unaware that one word would cause a chain reaction.

Noticing my struggle, a few of the others tried speeding up again to help me and lost their footing themselves. Three of them landed in the mud with a distinct splash each.

Stirred up by the noise more rotten and not so rotten hands and mouths appeared in the mud and started reaching for the men.

Someone started shooting, chaos ensued.

Keeping my grip on Negan’s hand, I grabbed my hatchet and chopped off the single arm that held on to me so I could get free and back on solid ground.

Dropping down on my ass, I worked the arm off my boot and tossed it back into the muddy blackness.

I took a second to catch my breath… and froze. Well, my brain froze. My hands didn’t need my brain to reach for my crossbow and start shooting. Obviously drawn by the noise, a group of Walkers was staggering towards us from the direction we’d been heading in.

I had eleven bolts. Even if I hit every single one of them head on, eleven bolts weren’t enough. I counted about twenty walking towards us. And there were who knew how many more hidden in the dirt.

“Incoming!” I shouted because I didn’t know how else to get the attention of the others. They were still shooting at the ground under their feet. It was a wonder they hadn’t hurt anyone yet.

My shout made everyone look up and notice the approaching Walkers. They directed their fire at them and left their stuck comrades to fend for themselves.

Negan barked a command and his men took on formation, assembling to get rid of the bigger danger, the Walkers that weren’t stuck.

I shot bolt number six and took out my fifth Walker.

Negan didn’t bother shooting. He started walking towards the herd with long steps, swinging Lucille in circles, warming up his wrists like a batter walking towards Home Plate.

I fired two more bolts and two more Walkers went down.

Following Negan the other men moved into the herd as well.

The three men still stuck screamed and shouted for help as more and more hands grabbed them, threatening to pull them under or rip them apart or both. The little protective gear they wore could only keep so many searching and biting teeth off.

I stopped shooting and put the sling of my crossbow back over my head and shoulder, reaching for my hatchet instead. My heartbeat sped up as I moved back towards the mud.

Everything inside of me told me to run and save my own ass.

I didn’t.

I went down on my knees when I felt the ground go softer under my feet and moved as close to the mud as I dared, chopping away on the closest grabbing hands.

The first man took hold of my arm and started pulling. He was beyond thinking. All he cared about, was to survive, no matter the cost. I had to be careful or the cost would be my life.

“It’s okay, I’ll cut you free,” I shouted, hoping I’d get through to him. “You’ll be fine.” I wasn’t entirely sure if I kept talking for his or my benefit. “We’ll make it out of here, but you have to stay calm!”

“Help me first!” the one next to him screamed. “He’s a goner!” He reached over the other guy, using him as a stepping stone, not caring how he pushed them both deeper into the proverbial shit.

The two started fighting each other instead of fighting their attackers and I realized they were a lost cause.

Carefully moving backwards, out of their reach, I got to my feet and checked the third one. He was a little way away from them, but I already saw the telltale signs of him changing. Fuck. He’d been bitten.

Taking a deep breath, I shot him in the face, putting him out of his misery. That was what I hated about travelling in groups. Sooner or later, someone always died.

I pulled my bloody bolt out of the guy’s head and wiped it on his clothes. The two fighting each other had turned pale as well, their lifeless eyes glaring at me, as they slowly made their way out of the mud. Of course NOW they managed to pull themselves out. Fuck!

Averting my gaze, I shot them as well.

The attacking Walkers were gone, as were three of Negan’s men. Fuck.

An odd silence fell over the clearing as the realization hit each of us.

With a deep sigh I moved past the others to collect my bolts. I didn’t meet anyone’s eyes. I had led them. All of this was my fault.

By the time I’d cleaned and stowed away all of my bolts, the others had pulled their fallen comrades out of the mud and gathered around them.

I didn’t even know the dead guys’ names.

Dropping to the ground against an old oak a little way away from the others, I buried my face in my hands and took a couple of deep breaths.

Someone approached, careless of making noise and I knew it was Negan even before he crouched down in front of me and pulled my hands down. He looked at me for a silent moment and I half expected he’d hug me.

He didn’t of course. This was Negan. He didn’t hug. Not even me.

He let go of my hands and sat down, his back against the same tree as me, wordlessly offering me his flask. I took it and took a greedy swig, thankful for the warmth it filled me with.

That was all the comfort he offered but it was enough somehow; him sitting here with me instead of with his men meant a lot and I appreciated it. I allowed myself to put my head on his shoulder for a moment before collecting myself and getting to my feet.

“You ready to go on?” I said, fighting to keep my voice careless.

“Give the men some more time,” Negan said, looking back at them. That one statement made him seem more human than I had ever seen him before. He cared about his men. Of course he did, he just was so good at not showing it, I tended to forget.

Looking towards the group I realized they had started digging graves for their fallen. I nodded and walked a few steps, leaving Negan to contemplate in silence.

The settlement shouldn’t be too far now. I couldn’t be entirely sure with the trees obscuring my view, but I thought there was a column of smoke making its way upwards southeast of us.

This must be a decoy. They surely must have heard all the shooting and shouting we had done at the mud pit. No one in their right mind would be stupid enough to have their fire still going after that.

Only when I turned backwards did I realize Negan had been watching me. “See anything, Doll?” he asked, coming closer.

I shook my head and casually brushed off my hands.

“So far, you’re not doing your reputation justice, Doll.”

“My reputation?” I raised an eyebrow at him. “I find stuff, not people! Usually I go out of my way to AVOID running into people!”

“Yes, that’s why I thought you the best man for this job. You know how to avoid running into people, don’t you, Doll.”

He took one last step closer and we almost touched. I had to crane my neck to meet his gaze. “You look like you know exactly what you’re doing, Doll. I like that about you… that and how you’re more ruthless than every single one of those fuckers back there. And to top it all off, your ass looks tasty. as. fuck in those jeans.” He stalked around me as he spoke and gave my ass an appreciative slap.

I couldn’t help but feel elevated by his praise. I turned around and let my arms wander around him, under his jacket. The smell of his cologne still clung to him but the exertions of the day had made him sweat. I took a deep inhale of his scent and got up on tiptoe to kiss him.

It was the gentlest kiss we’d ever shared.

This was something completely new with him. For a moment I thought I saw the man he had been before the apocalypse had hardened him, the man underneath his carefully curated persona.

I liked his pushy, scary, dominant side but I liked the fact that there was something soft buried deep underneath that hard outer shell even more.

Our kiss grew and he started pushing me backwards until I was caught between him and another old tree. All of a sudden there was nothing soft anymore, neither figuratively nor literally.

I wrapped my leg around his waist and grinded against him.

“You want me to fuck you here and now, Doll? Because if you do, all you have to do is keep this up!” Negan whispered against my ear. His teeth grazed my earlobe and the touch sent shivers through my whole body.

“I think you know my answer,” I whispered.

He moved down towards my neck and his beard scratched over my skin as he gently sucked my pulse point.

His fingers found their way into my pants much too fast and I inhaled through gritted teeth as he brushed over my spot.

“So wet for me already,” Negan’s voice was deep with desire as he pulled his hand back out and greedily licked his fingers, “but we got work to do. We can’t have you distract me now, can we?” He grinned his broad, toothy grin, showing large, white teeth. He knew exactly how hot I was for him. And he loved knowing it.

“Off you go, Doll. Chop-chop!” He walked off with a sense of purpose in his step. “Are you all done crying like a bunch of sissies? Look alive!” he shouted at his men, picking up and shouldering Lucille from where he’d left her against our tree.

His mood swings would give me whiplash one day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan and his Crew are still on their way to find his lost wife. More problems make their trip even bigger of a loss.  
> Ren gets to feel the good, the bad and the ugly sides of Negan again.

We trekked through the forest all day long, finding traces of two recently vacated camps, but no actual evidence we were even following the right people.

No one had thought it would take us so long to find two fugitives, one of them not even used to being out in the wild and the men started to grow restless. They had only taken provisions for one day and the prospect of hunger and thirst made them uneasy.

If Negan felt the same, he didn’t show it.

“There’s an abandoned farm not too far out there,” I finally said when the murmurs behind us got too loud. “Let’s make camp there and go on tomorrow.”

“We don’t have any food or water!” the tall guard that had ridden in the car with us in the morning, Sam, said. He seemed to be the highest ranking member of the crew and acted as their spokesman.

“There’s a well on the farm,” I tried reassuring him. I would go out and try to hunt something once everyone was settled and I had some quiet, but I wouldn’t tell them that. Not every hunt was successful and I didn’t want to get their hopes up. And to feed so many people, I’d have to get something big. One more reason why I found traveling by myself preferable.

When I stayed at the farm, I usually slept in the stable. The hay there made for a soft bed if one didn’t mind sharing with some critters.

The men, and woman, after checking the stable for Walkers, moved straight inside the house of course. I stayed outside and put down my backpack.

My pants had dried, but my boots were still wet and made squishing sounds when I walked. I pulled them off with a groan and wiggled my toes.

Negan hadn’t said anything for the last hour or so, but he didn’t need to. His body language told everyone everything they needed to know. He was angry. If it was with himself or with the rest of the world, I didn’t know and didn’t want to find out.

“The well’s behind the house. Boil the water before you drink it!” I felt like a mother cat teaching her kittens how to survive in the wild. Alright, that was probably an exaggeration, but I liked the picture it brought up inside my head.

“Where do you think you’re going, Doll?” Negan said as I took my weapons and made for the woods, barefoot.

“Hunting,” I courtly answered. “You and your men are acting so tough, but in reality, you’re all just a bunch of spoiled kids, unable to survive in the wild.” Okay, that had sounded angrier than I’d intended. I hadn’t been aware the fact it fell to me to find something to eat bothered me, but it seemed to. Huh.

I didn’t wait for Negan’s reply, but moved off.

With his long legs, it took him all of five seconds to catch up with me. He wordlessly fell into step with me. What was he doing? He wasn’t a hunter and gatherer.

I shot him a questioning look which he pretended not to notice, which was probably for the best, since he had told me more than once, in friendly and not so friendly terms, that he didn’t particularly care for sideways glances.

I hated to admit it, but I wasn’t used to walking for so long and I was just as exhausted as the others. On top of that, wearing wet boots all day had given me a huge ass blister on my right heel.

The forest ground was cold but soft and felt like heaven to my abused feet. Going hunting barefoot always made me feel extra connected with nature. I felt like my sense of smell was stronger, and my hearing as well. That was probably bullshit, but I still enjoyed the sensation. Negan walking behind me in full gear felt like an intruder.

I stopped him with a silent gesture and pointed at a grazing deer up ahead. It hadn’t noticed us thus far and seemed completely at ease, eating. Its ears twitched every now and then as it shooed away an annoying fly.

Not letting it out of sight I reached for my crossbow, loaded and took aim at the spot just behind the shoulder blade. It was such a familiar thing to do, I didn’t even have to think about it. Breathing out slowed down my heartbeat and I pulled the trigger, releasing the bolt with my usual precision. Silent, deadly… or not. A twig breaking under Negan’s foot alerted the deer and it startled just as I took my shot.

I hit the deer, but not in the right spot. It let out a squeal and ran off, limping heavily, my bolt sticking in its hind leg.

I cursed and started after it, followed by a struggling Negan. His height might be intimidating out in the open but in the underbrush my shorter build made it much easier to go after our fleeing prey.

The sound of Negan’s gun behind me made me duck. I heard the bullet go past me and saw the blood spray as he hit the poor deer again.

Its hind leg gave out and it fell, thrashing and squealing as it bled out its life.

This wasn’t how a hunt was supposed to be. If I had hit it right, the poor animal would be dead by now. Not exactly painless, but at least it would have died quickly.

I hurried to catch up with the animal and quickly cut its throat, releasing it from its suffering before its squealing lured every Walker in the area towards us.

“Thank you for giving your life to feed us,” I whispered, petting the dying animals head.

More gunshots told me all I needed to know. I gutted the animal with practiced ease, making it lighter to carry and put it on my shoulders, holding on to its legs right and left of my head. I tried to ignore the warm blood dripping from its neck and stomach drenching my hair and clothes. I could worry about that later.

I was angry. If it wasn’t for Negan thinking he had to come out and protect me, none of this would have happened.

Acting on my anger would fall back on me so hard I’d feel it into next week so I just squeezed my lips shut and simply ran as fast as the added weight on my back allowed.

Negan was next to me and kept on shooting over his shoulder, holding the Walkers off. All we had to do now was make it to the farm. It was almost dark and I had to watch my every step. If I slipped now I’d be dead.

“Pick it up Doll or they’re gonna bite your damn fine ass off,” Negan muttered. It couldn’t be much farther, or at least I hoped it couldn’t. Carrying a fresh carcass through the twilit forest, chased by flesh eating monsters was more exhausting than it might sound.

Against all odds we made it back in one piece. It seemed like there weren’t even any Walkers left chasing us. Breathing hard, I dropped the deer to the ground just outside the door and while I was at it, I dropped down next to it myself, exhausted.

Negan went inside and told his men to get the fuck out and start preparing their damn food or did they want him to do everything for them?

Murmurs stirred inside and I heard footsteps coming towards the door. I had done my duty. Now it was their turn.

I tiredly watched as they skinned the deer and started dismembering it.

My eyes were incredibly heavy and the ground looked awfully comfortable for a nap. Only the feeling of my soaked clothes slowly cooling and the thought of blood drying against my skin were able to get me up from the ground.

I padded towards the water pump, feeling almost like in a dream. I was so tired.

The disused metal of the pump shrieked with being used twice in one day. Thankfully it took only a couple of pumps to get the water flowing. It was icy cold, coming straight from the earth and I shuddered at the thought of having to wash with it after the nice hot shower I’d had at the Saviors Compound last night.

I struggled out of my soaked flannel and shirt and dunked both into the dented bucket that stood under the pump.

The fresh blood quickly washed out of my clothes and I hung them on a nearby bush to dry.

A pair of hands touched my waist and I had my hunting knife in my hand before I’d even fully formed the thought.

“Didn’t know you were into knife play, Doll.” Negan chuckled. “Not sure if I like it.”

I exhaled. “What do you want?”

“To make sure our hero of the day is safe and sound out here in the dark, all by herself.” His voice sank down to a purr. Parts deep inside of me quenched around nothing. How did he do that?

“I’m fine…” I managed to say. My teeth seemed to want to chatter. I wasn’t sure if it was from the temperature alone.

“I brought hot water.” He pointed at a chipped pot on the ground.

“Thank you.” I tested the water and sat down, encasing the pot with my legs.

I had expected Negan to go back inside to sit with his men, but instead I felt him crouch down behind me. He reached into the water and started scrubbing my neck.

I sat unmoving, flabbergasted as he worked on my back and neck and even through my hair. Big bad Negan… gently unbraiding my hair and running hot water over the strands to get the blood out. I had to resist the urge to look up and check the sky for flying pigs.

It was fully dark by the time we were finished. My sports bra was drenched with water that was no longer warm. This time I was sure my shivering was from cold.

Negan got up and reached for me to pull me to my feet.

I got up and hugged myself.

Negan seemed to want to give me a brain aneurism today. He pulled off his leather jacket and put it around my shoulders, rubbing my arms for good measure. “Get inside, Doll.”

Did he even realize how nice he was? Should I thank him? Or just take it as something he did sometimes?

“Enjoying the view?” he grinned.

I hadn’t realized I’d been staring at him and shook my head to clear my thoughts.

Negan walked back to the bush where I’d hung my clothes and took them. What the fuck was happening?

“Get on inside or you’ll freeze your pretty ass off,” he repeated, turned me around by the shoulders and slapped my ass to get me going.

Inside, the air was warm and smelled of roasting meat and sweaty male. The fire in the stove illuminated the room just enough to see, flickering through the grate at the door of the old fashioned stove. The furniture inside the house had long since become firewood and everyone had gathered on the ground. They looked up at us with the kind of knowing look you give a couple that had very obviously just had sex. Me wearing Negan’s jacket probably only added to the illusion. Negan hung my wet clothes over the the stove so they’d dry and checked the boarded up windows before he allowed himself to relax.

I sat down a little way from the men, leaning against the wall. They were talking about their fallen friends, laughing and sharing stories. A couple jars of what I figured must be moonshine made the rounds and everyone, including Negan took turns sipping. I wondered where they’d gotten the jars, since I had personally raided the pantry the first time I’d been here and there sure as hell hadn’t been any moonshine.

The woman, Carolina, as the others called her, got one of the jars and turned to hand it to me.

I shook my head. Moonshine was for setting things on fire not for drinking. Pulling Negan’s jacket around my shoulders a little tighter, I closed my eyes and relaxed my shoulders.

The feeling of security and the warmth Negan’s jacket and the fire provided, underlined by the background noise of men talking lulled me to sleep.

Someone heavily sitting down next to me made me startle awake. I took a second to orient myself and found Negan bent over me, kissing my neck, his hand pushing into the jacket, pulling it down over my shoulder. What was he doing?

His men were watching us, not openly but still obviously. Carolina had vanished.

I tried pushing Negan away but he didn’t care. His hands were all over me and it was clear what he had in mind. It was demeaning and hot all at the same time. He kissed me again and pushed against me so hard my head hit the wall with a bump.

That woke me up fully.

“Negan… don’t,” I muttered, catching hold of his hand. This was too much. I didn’t want this.

Negan snorted. “Don’t act like you don’t enjoy it, Doll.” His breath smelled of moonshine. He wasn’t drunk exactly, but his movements seemed sluggish, slower than usual, less precise. It took him two tries to get his fingers into my pants and he was slow to find my clit. Once he found it though, muscle memory seemed to take over.

I whimpered as he let his fingers play over my most sensitive spot.

“Always wet and ready for me, Doll,” he said, his mouth close to my ear. “One of your most endearing qualities.”

I wanted to say something, but his fingers speeding up made my brain stupid. I convulsed against him and my legs quenched of their own accord.

A male bark of laughter reminded me where we were. “Make them leave,” I whispered. “Please.”

Negan stopped. My pleading seemed to have gotten his attention. He pulled away far enough so he could look me in the eyes.

“I don’t want them watching.”

“What are you fuckers waiting for? You heard her! Get the fuck out!” Negan barked, only barely turning to look at them.

Multiple voices complained about having been promised a show, but neither dared openly objecting to their leader and they walked out single file.

Once we were alone, I allowed myself to relax. I wrapped my arms around Negan’s neck and kissed him deeply and greedily. He was on top of me on all fours and my legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer. There was much too much fabric still between us. Letting go once more, I unbuckled my pants. It was too dark to tell, but I was pretty sure Negan was grinning.

“What are you doing, Doll?” he asked, lust clear in his voice.

“Why don’t you come here and find out?” I whispered. My hands never stopped moving and I pulled down my pants while he came closer. It was chilly in the house with my bare ass on the ground, but I knew I wouldn’t be cold for long. I would make sure of that if Negan didn’t beat me to it.

He cupped my ass with both hands and lifted my legs to wrap around his waist again.

His erection pushed against me through his jeans. I pulled him closer and enjoyed the friction the movement created. I wanted more of that.

As if he’d read my thoughts, Negan let his hand glide lower on my ass along the edge of my panties. He moved the fabric to the side and exposed my wet flesh to the cold air. The sensation made me catch my breath. Spurred on by my reaction, he pushed his fingers into me in one swift movement. It hurt. He knew it and didn’t care and I loved him for that.

“Turn around, Doll,” he ordered and pulled his fingers out.

The emptiness was almost painful, but I did what he told me and offered my half bared ass up to him like a bitch in heat.

“My kingdom for some light,” he said, bending down to bite my ass so hard I wanted to cry out.

I heard his belt buckles clank and something fell to the floor. The sensation of skin against skin when he touched me again made me gasp.

He let his hard dick move over my ass and farther downwards. My panties were still just shoved to the side and he obviously wanted to keep it that way. He lined himself up with me and pushed into me so hard, it took both my arms to keep my face from slamming into the floor.

The wooden floorboards felt damp and cold under my fingers and something dusty crumbled down on my naked back, shaken loose by our movements.

Negan reached around me and ungently pulled the left strap of my sports bra off my shoulder far enough to make something rip. My breast practically fell out and I gasped at the sensation.

Goosebumps traveled up and down my body, partly from cold, partly from pleasure as Negan kept on slamming into me, hard.

His dick filled me out completely and he hit my cervix every so often. Not a sensation I’d cared for much before I’d met him, but with him it was only one more thing he made work for him, giving me just the right amount of pain mixed with pleasure.

I wanted to hate myself for how much I loved being treated by him that way, but I couldn’t. This just felt too good to be bad.

Neither of us wanted to go very long after the exhausting day we’d had. Negan pounded into me a couple times more and I felt him pick up his rhythm after only a couple of minutes. I didn’t mind in the slightest. Being held under him, my underwear half ripped off, him behind me, the spot where he’d bitten me still burning was everything I could ask for.

He changed his angle and I squeezed the muscles inside of me around him. It made me cry out and if his groan was any indication he enjoyed it as well. He jerked inside of me and I felt his body go stiff as he came.

“Your pussy is fucking magic, Doll,” he muttered, collapsing half on top of me.

+++

It was warm and relatively safe and I really wanted to fall asleep in Negan’s arms, but after what he’d attempted earlier, giving his men a show, I didn’t trust him enough to relax against him.

I could have lived with the distrust, and keeping up my guard through the night, but the sound of four people sleeping, snoring, farting was too much. If Walkers or another group were to approach us, I wouldn’t even hear them.

Carefully, I untangled myself from Negan and placed his jacket on top of him so he wouldn’t get cold.

The last of the glowing embers in the stove were enough to find my way through the room without waking anyone.

The guard outside the door snored loudly. Very comforting. I’d definitely be saver outside in the stable.

I had taken my clothes with me and put them on in the yard. I regretted it the moment they touched my skin. Everything was still damp.

Sleeping in the hay in damp clothes would be uncomfortable. Sleeping inside the stuffy house would have been worse.

The holey blankets I’d slept in last time I’d been here were still there. The family of mice I woke up as I shook them out squeaked at me accusingly as they ran off, finding different shelter where no human stupid enough to sleep in a shed instead of a warm kitchen would disturb them.

Wrapping the blanket around myself I got comfortable in the hay, shivering. If Poppy were here we could have snuggled up together and shared warmth. This was the first time since I’d found her I was out in the wild without her. I hoped she was warm and happy in the Compound’s stable.

+++

Judging by the light that fell through the gaps in the walls it must have been around five in the morning when the much too familiar sound of gunshots woke me. I was wide awake in a second.

Knife in hand, I ran outside.

Everyone was up and on their feet. No, not everyone. There had been more of us just a couple hours ago. What had happened?

“Where’s Ren! Fucking find her you useless piece of shit!” Negan’s voice broke through the general hubbub.

“I’m here!” I called and made my way to him.

“Where the fuck did you go?” He took me by the shoulders and shook me, hard. I had expected relief on his face, but saw only anger.

“I couldn’t sleep and went outside to…”

Negan didn’t wait for me to finish. He let go of my shoulders and slapped me in the face so hard I staggered backwards a few steps. The force of the slap brought tears to my eyes.

“What the fuck?” I cried out, cradling my cheek.

“Don’t ever fucking dare walk out on me in the middle of the night again, you stupid, fucking bitch! You understand me?”

I stared at him wordlessly.

“Do you fucking understand me?” He grabbed my wrist and forced me to look up at him, reminding me of who he was and what he was capable of.

“Yes, Negan,” I whispered.

Carolina came running out of the farmhouse and stopped. “Where…” she muttered, staring at me.

I looked at Negan, silently asking permission before I started to speak. “I went to sleep in the hay,” I explained when he didn’t say anything. “What happened?”

“What happened, Doll,” Negan turned towards me and squeezed my wrist hard enough to bruise, “is one of those fuckers inside got his stupid ass infected yesterday and went on to fucking eat my soldiers!”

I swallowed but didn’t dare move away from him again. His iron grip made it impossible anyways. I felt like the small bones in my hand were grinding against each other within his grip.

“Texas and Dwayne are dead, Boss,” Sam announced, dragging a dead body out through the front door. He continued on to the side of the house where the cold morning light of the slowly rising sun illuminated the other dead body on the ground. Fuck.

“What should we do, Boss?” Carolina said.

“Burn the bodies. Then go back. Ren and I will keep looking.” Negan’s voice was emotionless but I felt the anger radiate from him. Carolina and Sam seemed to feel it too. They were the only ones left and went to work without further questions.

Negan turned his back to the bodies and I realized he was cradling his right arm.

“What happened?”

“Asshole tried to get me,” he courtly said.

“Let me see.” I started pulling on his jacket before I realized what I was doing. I stopped moving and looked up at his face, feeling like a rabbit locking eyes with a wolf. I hoped he took my behavior as what it was: worry for him, not me bossing him around.

He seemed to get my intention and tenderly shrugged his jacket off. He had wrapped a rag around his arm but it was soaked through with blood and still dripping. Fuck. He’d need stitches.

My backpack with my first aid kit in it was inside. “Sit down and apply pressure,” I ordered.

He sat down with a groan. His arm must really hurt if he let me talk to him like that.

The kitchen looked much as it had last night… except for the blood and brain matter everywhere.

I wiped the wet, pinkish mass off my pack without looking at it too closely and carried it outside. One of the jars of moonshine had somehow made it through the fight and I took it with me as well. It would sting like shit, but I needed something to disinfect the cut. And since my cheek still stung as well I didn’t feel too bad about hurting Negan.

Negan sat where I had left him. Carolina and Sam were in the process of building a pyre. The sun had risen somewhat farther and once again I was glad my vision wasn’t the best. The bloody drag marks on the ground were more than enough for me.

I sat down before Negan, not meeting his eyes and put his hand on my knee.

Grinding his teeth, he removed the bloody rag so I could properly assess the damage. The wound was about as long as my hand. Not too deep, but deep enough, obviously. It was a clean, straight cut, made by a knife not by teeth, so he hopefully wouldn’t turn Walker on me.

Reaching for the moonshine, I watched Negan’s face closely. He had realized what it was, of course, and braced himself as I started pouring it over the gash.

A deep rumble made its way from his throat, almost like a growl. Again, the rabbit-wolf analogy came to mind, but I didn’t stop pouring. A part of me enjoyed being the one hurting him for a change.

I washed my hands with the last of the moonshine to get everything as clean as possible.

After having to stitch myself up once or twice, I had started pre-threading the floss in my first aid kit. My hands had a tendency to start shaking when I got hurt badly enough to need stitches.

Negan didn’t seem to have any such problems. His grip on my knee tightened each time I pushed the needle through his flesh but that was about the whole of him showing his pain.

It took ten beautiful cross stitches to close the cut. And I added once more because I could and Negan was an ass. I wrapped the cleanest bandages I had around his arm and knotted them closed. “Go easy with it for a while,” I said, giving his beloved bat a sideways glance where it rested next to him, always within his reach.

“Will do, Doll,” he said softly. “Thank you.” He gently cupped my face with his hand and patted my abused cheek with his thumb. Was this his way of apologizing?

I didn’t answer, but got up and held my arms out for his left hand to help him to his feet. I would have loved to place his arm in a sling, but it was more than impractical if he really wanted to go on wandering and searching for his lost wife with me.

She must be quite something if she was worth losing five men over. I wondered how many men he would risk losing for me but quickly discarded the thought. If I ever decided to go against him, I hoped he just wouldn’t give a shit and let me go. Yea and the day after that hell would freeze over.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Negan said.

I looked up but didn’t say anything. His voice sounded soft, without a hint of anger and I knew I could afford not to answer him.

Sam and Carolina had set the pyre on fire and the smell of burning hair and clothes made me want to gag. I remained where I was, out of respect for the dead, Negan standing next to me, looking sad. What a way to start the new day!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren and Negan are finally alone. That could be nice, they could be bonding, but Negan wouldn't be Negan if he stopped playing Mindgames now.

The other two took off towards the direction we had come from. They’d take one car and leave the other one for us, once we made it back there.

I’d never have guessed I’d go hiking through the land with Negan one day, yet, here I was.

He was silent most of the time. There was no one for him to boss around and he seemed to enjoy that for once. He had an almost relaxed look on his face.

“How’s your arm?” I asked when we sat down to take a short break.

He shrugged. “Nothing I won’t survive, Doll.”

I rolled my eyes. Men, acting like they’re about to die when they had a cold, but being big and mighty warriors when they had something that could really kill them. We shared a crumbly granola bar and some of last night’s roast for lunch and allowed ourselves to rest for about an hour. Last night had been a short one for both of us.

There was a small settlement some way south of us and I really hoped we’d find Dean and Cassandra cooped up there. If they weren’t, I would have to admit I was out of ideas and I didn’t really want to find out exactly how important it was for Negan to find the couple.

+++

“Don’t look now, but something’s just moved in that building,” I whispered, trying to look unbothered.

Negan slowed down the tiniest bit but didn’t turn his head. “I’ll go around the back, you double back,” he whispered, barely moving his lips.

I swallowed and nodded.

“We’re going to fucking get them and I’ll show them what’s happening to people who try to run away from me.” He seemed awfully proud of having found them.

I hoped it really was them and not some Walkers caught in the house or someone else simply hiding from strangers walking through their village, but I remained quiet. Between the two of us, we’d manage somehow, no matter who or what was waiting for us.

Negan took a left turn and moved between two houses towards the back. He was silent as a mouse once he was out of sight.

I sneaked close towards the front wall of the houses and crouched down, hoping that was enough to stay out of sight. I only needed to move back two houses.

Wood shattering and a female screaming inside told me we were probably in the right place.

I silently opened the front door and stepped inside the house as well. Negan had a woman by the hair and his gun pointed at someone who was out of my line of sight around the corner.

“Anything you got to say for yourself, fucker?” he barked.

“I’m sorry Boss,” a male said.

I wasn’t the best in a combat situation, but I knew how to use surprise for me. Judging by the way sound travelled through the house, I could go around the back and get him from behind.

I didn’t think for a second to question why Negan didn’t simply shoot him.

Knife at the ready, I came around the back and silently reached around Dean, pressing my blade into the soft skin on his neck.

“Now that’s what I’m fucking talking about, Doll!” Negan called out, broadly grinning at me. We had them. Now what? He wanted them dead. What was he waiting for?

Cassandra struggled in his grip and he jerked her closer, grabbing her around the waist and making Dean watch as he grinded against her butt. Okay, he wanted to play cat and mouse a bit. What else had I expected?

I hated direct confrontation. Negan knew that. Still, he made me hold that guy that was very obviously much stronger than me physically at knifepoint. I hoped Dean didn’t feel my insecurity, because if he decided to jump me, we’d be in big shit.

“Let her go,” Dean pleaded. “It was my idea!”

“Do I look like I fucking care whose idea this was? You know the rules! You run, you die! Simple, no?” He had started out talking to Dean, but had moved to whisper directly into Cassandras ear. “You gave a promise when you married me, Cassandra. You promised your ass would be mine for the rest of your days, remember?”

Cassandra whimpered but nodded. Tears were flowing down her face and I felt for her. If I was honest with myself, I was in much the same situation as her. I had never asked to be taken up by Negan, yet here I was, knowing full well he would go after just the same if I ran.

I didn’t want to do this. They didn’t deserve to die.

“And yet you decide to run off with this guy? What does he have that I don’t?” He brushed her hair to the side and kissed her, his gaze locked at Dean. “His dick is tiny, I know that for a fact, so what is it, Cassandra?”

“He…. he’s kind,” she whispered. She was shaking all over, tears flowed freely.

“Kind?” Negan repeated.

“He treats me nicely. Like I’m a princess!” Her voice got louder as she continued speaking.

“Like a princess? You’re a fucking whore! Why would anyone treat you like a fucking princess?”

“Don’t talk to her like that!” Dean struggled against me and I pressed my knife against his skin harder, reminding him how fucked he was.

Negan looked at Cassandra, then at me over Dean’s shoulder. “That’s what a fucking princess looks like. A warrior princess! Acts like one and I fucking treat her like one! Go on, fucking tell her, Doll!”

I didn’t know what to say. There were more bruises than I could count all over my body, most of them caused by Negan. If that was how he treated a princess, I didn’t want to know how he treated a peasant. “Yea, sure,” I finally said, just to get this over with.

“See? So tell me the truth, Cassandra. What is it?”

“I… I just…” She didn’t seem to know what else to say.

“What do you want, Negan?” Dean said, struggling against my grip. I jerked him backwards and let the edge of my knife glide over his skin, drawing blood.

“Shut the fuck up while I’m talking to my fucking wife. I will fucking deal with you in a minute,” Negan barked.

“So you don’t know why you did it. Well, what a shame. Now you have to die and you don’t even know why you left good old Negan. Let this be a lesson to you, Doll,” he said, meeting my eyes and pointing the muzzle of his gun against her temple.

He stared at me and squeezed the trigger, blowing her brains out.

I jerked at the sound and Dean took his chance and grabbed my hand that held the knife, bending my wrist to get it.

“Stop moving right this fucking second!” Negan shouted, carelessly dropping Cassandras body and stepping over her, towards us, gun pointed. “Put your fucking hands up and you might yet get to survive.”

Dean let go of my hand and lifted his hands to shoulder height, slowly turning towards Negan.

“Kill him,” Negan said and for a second I wondered who he was talking to. I stiffened, when I realized he’d meant me.

No. This wasn’t what I had bargained for. He wanted them dead he could kill them, right? I didn’t kill humans. That was his thing.

“Didn’t you hear me? Fucking kill him!” Negan repeated, pointing the gun from Dean to me. What the fuck was happening?

“I… No!” was all I managed to say.

“One of you is going to die here and now,” Negan said. “I’d much prefer if it was that fucker, Doll, but if you dare to contradict me once more, it will be you.”

“Are you fucking serious?” I whispered, still holding on to Dean.

“Do I look like a fucking Joker to you?” he asked.

I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t kill a human. I’d never done that before. What did Negan expect from me?

I relaxed my grip on Dean just a little bit to avoid my arm cramping and he took his chance. Once more he grabbed my knife hand and tried turning my own weapon on me.

Years of surviving in the wild on my own had left their mark on me. Without stopping to think, I tightened my grip, kicked his balls with my knee and stabbed the knife in his temple.

Dean blinked at me a couple of times before he toppled over sideways, my knife still sticking in his skull.

Eyes wide open, I moved backwards until I hit a wall. Slowly I let myself sink down to the ground. Dean’s mouth gaped open and closed like a fish on land, his eyes locked on me while the puddle of blood on the ground grew around his head.

I pulled my knees up and hid my face in my hands, realizing too late that would make me smear Dean’s blood all over my face.

Negan bent down and pulled my knife out of Dean’s head.

“Why did you make me do this?” I cried out, not looking at him. “Why didn’t you shoot him?”

Instead of answering, Negan pointed his gun at the floor and pulled the trigger a couple of times. Only empty clicks sounded out. “Fresh out of bullets, Doll,” he chuckled, getting up from his crouch again and reaching his arm out for me.

I got to my feet without his help. “I fucking hate you!” I shouted and turned around, stomping out of the house the way I’d come in.

“No you don’t,” Negan said, coming after me. He put his hand on my shoulder and stopped me.

“You made me kill a man!” I screamed. I jerked free of him and walked away a few quick steps before turning around and facing him.

“So what?” He cleaned his fingernails with my knife, seeming relaxed as ever.

“I don’t kill people!” Didn’t he understand?

“You just did.” He pointed his thumb over his shoulder back at the house as if I might have forgotten already. The house looked just as it had before. White picket fence, overgrown yard, half ripped down swings in the tree to the right. Nothing that pointed at the two dead humans inside.

“You fucking made me.” This conversation was going in circles.

“I didn’t force you to stab him, Doll.”

“You had your gun pointed at me.” I didn’t want to admit he was right, but he was in a way. He hadn’t forced my hand.

He had given me a choice. I had made the decision.

I hugged myself.

“It’s alright, Doll,” he said, stepping close to me. “You’re a survivor.” He pulled me against his chest and I let him. I buried my face against him as silent sobs shook my body. “A god damn fucking survivor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I'll continue with this story as I just wanted to bring that one Idea I had down to paper. There might be more, or there might not... who knows!   
> In any case... thanks for reading!


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